Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Families what can I say! Warning letting some steam off.

I can not believe that the Christmas Season is here. My boys have been watching a lot of Santa movies, Kingston loves Santa and Kodi is at that age asking for EVERYTHING he sees on TV.
Last night was our Christmas Relief Society Party, it was a lot of fun, and a very good time. Kodi and I did not get home until almost 10 after cleaning up and making sure everything was good for us to leave the building. They ladies in our committee won't let me do a lot since I am about ready to pop. So I just helped in any way I could.
This is my favorite time of year, as most peoples, not because of the presents and Santa, but because for me it is a time that my family is together, we pull together and make our own memories. This year will be a different one, for we always spend Christmas Eve with my Dad and two wonderful young brother and sister I have to say I am not happy at all with the choices my "Father" is making, it was hard growing up and being up on the back burner and having to deal with not being important at all. The three of us have learned that if we want him in our lives it's us making the calls for him to come over not him. It's very hard to sit back and which him start to make those mistakes again the big sister wants to protect them from getting hurt. My Father informed us that he will not be around for the holidays and will be out in Idaho with his new girlfriend, spending that time with her. Of course he wanted Tara to call the siblings and let her tell the bad news. The part that is one of the hardest is that he is drinking again, I truly believe he thinks we have no idea that he is drinking, but when he continues to call us all the time telling us the same things over and over again is sad. At first I did not mind talking to him, and now I just get very upset, my poor sister, is the one who he has been calling 5 or more times a day to talk to her, and doesn't have a clue that he has already told her everything.
I pray each day that he will get a clue and stop what he is doing, but I also know that it's a choice he is making. The little girl in me wants to him to stop and becoming a wonderful father to Eli and Ashley and not have them feel those feelings as I do, but I can only pray for him.
It also makes me so very mad that his new girlfriend HAS no IDEA this is a problem, she just thinks he is inactive member and that she is going to reactive him. She has no idea that he is an Alcoholic and that when he is not in Idaho with her he is at home drinking. She thinks we have this GREAT relationship with him, let me tell you I have never had a great relationship with my Father. When I think of what a father should be it's not my dad that I think but of my step dad and how he is always here for me and my boys. He may not agree with our choices but he is always willing to help us out and loves us so very much.
At times I truly hate being a grown up and the decision that comes with it. It truly does sadden me that he is throwing his life away to drinking. He has 7 soon to be 8 wonderful grandchildren who love him and he has 5 wonderful kids. Who do need him.
This year we will be spending Christmas Eve with Eli and Ashley, at Tara's house and making a very good memory with them. I am so very blessed to have them in my life as my brother and sister.


Jami said...

Oh, Mary, that stinks. I'm sorry you have to go through that. I know how you feel... I've had to watch my whole family go inactive and my parents pick up drinking and who knows what else. My siblings all drink, too, and some smoke, my mom included. I feel like I can't talk to my mom anymore because she's a whole different person than I thought, plus, she's starting using the F word, which is quite disturbing. And I used to be able to go to my dad with church related questions and stuff and now I can't. There's a lot more to it that I'm not at liberty to discuss but I feel your pain. You're such a strong person to go through all you go through and I admire that you choose to not let it get you down, that you keep moving forward and choose to be happy in spite of it all. Go you! :)

Mary said...

Thanks Jami!